Listening to David Cook belt out "Permanent" right now provides a magnificent contrast to my feelings. It's the end of the year once again, a time when we are supposed to reflect on the past year and everything which has come and gone.

I decided to read my blog posts from a year ago, and the revelation I got wasn't too far from what I expected. Things have changed, and that is inevitable. Sometimes, as I think about my circumstances this time last year, I can't seem to fathom why and how certain things happen. Still, the truth remains that one year on, things aren't the same at all.

The end of 2007 and the start of 2008 marked a time in which I set out with so many plans and great aspirations. I was involved in so many things, Moor House, RIPB, Orientation Camp, and was really so caught up with doing my job well. Orientation Camp really took up alot of my time, because as Co-Camp I/C, there was just so much to be done.

In contrast, this year I have nothing. I do not belong to any school now, and I do not have any obligations which I have to fulfil or proposals to rush. This holiday has been like no other: no work, no school schedules, no obligation. But yet, with the previous years, there was a sense of certainty. I knew exactly what I was going to do the next year, exactly who I would be in contact with, exactly what I would need to fulfil and what was needed to be done. There's no certainty now, because I do not know what is going to be thrown at me in 2009.

And, that is the least of my concerns in this post.

"Change is the only constant" is how the saying goes. I have never been one to believe in this statement, simply because it negates anything which is worthy to be treasured, a relationship for instance. If that was true, there would be no such thing as "unchanging love", "forever friends" or even "everlasting God". I would like to believe that certain things are indeed within our control, to ensure that things don't change.

It's quite hard though, in the face of juxtaposition from previous experiences. There was really so much hope at the end of last year, and most of what was there is gone now. There has really been a huge change in my life, as I move on, as I meet new people, and I get to know different people deeper. The cost of something broken has not only been the pain which comes with it, but the opportunity for something new. I'm ending this year with totally different hopes and dreams. I know this year has really taught me so much, even if it meant me going through probably the most crazy year of my life thus far.

It's never easy to let go, but it's necessary sometimes. I just hope and pray that I'll never need to let go of the hopes I'm bringing with me into 2009 and beyond, through all the uncertainty which is to come.

I still believe in the permanent.