I was very tempted to post an entry concerning the Singaporean woman who was held hostage and subsequently killed in Mumbai. But for now, I shall not. The media has summed it up rather effectively as it is.

So, I shall blog about today instead. I went to Sentosa, and returned with various unfortunate minor alterations to different parts of my body (no, i'm not elaborating). Beach soccer is always fun though, and I guess it was worth it after all. Oh, and next time anybody wants ideas for a saddistic game, ask me! It involves green peas, grass and very sharp eyesight on the part of the players.

On the bus home today, I started thinking about something which I have been thinking about for a rather long time: the fact that I really absord and contemplate the lyrics of a song when I'm listening to it, undistracted. It's always when I plug in those earphones in the mrt/bus/car, that I really catch a closer glimpse of what each song I listen to really means. Usually, in the midst of all our hustle and bustle, the meanings of songs are hardly captured, with only the rhythm and beat featuring more prominently. I got a chance to listen to "My Immortal" today, and now I understand another song even deeper. That's not to say that I don't pay attention to lyrics normally, because I rather choose songs with nice lyrics over songs with nice beats anyway. Just another example of how we see things differently, if only we slow down sometimes.

& finally, this totally made me speechless today. It happened while Hongfei and I were talking about basketball.

Hansel: eh, 3-pointer (worth) how many points arh?

Classic.

I was just watching the late afternoon broadcast of 'Survivor: Gabon' just now, during which I caught a glimpse of something rather ironic. In this game which features backstabbing, blindsiding and betrayal (amongst other things) in abundance, trust is actually one of the most essential components of the game itself.

It is rare to see an alliance trusting each other enough to stick together and last the entire game (with notable exceptions being 'Rob and Amber' from All-Stars & 'Yul, Becky, Ozzy and Sundra' from Cook Islands). Even though promises are made for the members to cover each other's backs, alert each other if they have a target on their backs or even make desperate moves to save the alliance, somehow, something will crumble. A member would get tricked by mind games, leading him/her to believe that he/she is being left out of the loop. There may be a loss of faith, resulting in someone flipping sides and turning the game on its head. It's always a conflict between faith and your own gameplan.

I must make myself clear, I'm not complaining or ranting, because all these indeed are part of the game itself. I'm just wondering what'll actually happen if one alliance actually stuck together from start to finish. Especially in the earlier seasons, when tribe switches were not rampant at all, a powerhouse tribe/alliance could (theoratically) dominate due to the fact that they could bank on the fact that they would not get split up midway. For the producers, it will probably make the game more predictable or boring, which they of course wish to avoid for reasons of declining viewership among others. I'm interested to find out if this form of 'fairytale' would work out.

I like it how Jeff (the host) always highlights the importance of a strong tribe, the value of trust or something of the like after each blindside or elimination at tribal council. Which is indeed proven to be quite true, even more so when the game is coming to an end. When the numbers start to dwindle, and decisions become even harder, that is really when trust comes into play. Just something I was thinking about, really.

Everything said, it is afterall, a game of wits.

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast. In true survivor fashion, always.

There were heavy showers outside my window just a few minutes ago.

For that split second, as I glanced past the glass panes into that barrage of pouring rain, memories of the times when I used to gaze out into a storm with my mind swirling with thoughts came back to me. Those times near the middle of this year, when even the slightest image could set my mind racing. And I ask myself, am I past that stage? Or is it really just a temporal change, with that side of me screaming to be let free?

Oh well, I'm not looking for an answer anyway. Not now, at least.

I'm pretty amazed by this song. It's the lead track from the Twilight OST, and the more I listen to it and take in the lyrics, the more I feel it's so perfectly crafted for this movie.

It's mesmerizing.

Decode - Paramore

How can I decide what's right
When you're clouding up my mind?
I can't win your losing fight
All the time.

Not gonna ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides?
But you won't take away my pride.
No, not this time.
Not this time.

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue.
Just boiling in my blood.
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are,
If you're a man at all.
Well, I will figure this one out
On my own.
(I'm screaming, "I love you so.")
On my own.
(My thoughts you can't decode)

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah.
How did we get here?
Well, I used to know you so well.
I think I know.
I think I know.

There is something I see in you.
It might kill me.
I want it to be true.

It's just as well that my previous blogskin's layout decided to rebel on me at this time. I needed some change anyway. So here's to my new skin, which I took ages to find. Being my OCD self (i'm kidding, really), there was always some minor detail of each previous skin I painstakingly browsed through which was not exactly to my liking. Well, that's not saying this skin is perfect of course. It was the best I've found so far though, thus, the change.

Speaking of change, there seems to be a need to implement some changes soon.

I'm (and my blog for that matter) not dead yet, don't worry.

well, it's officially 2+ weeks into the end of year holidays now, and I really haven't been doing that much at all. half the days are spent waking up at random times and lazying around at home trying to find interesting things to do, while the other half of the days are spent running around meeting various people and doing various things. but really, lazying around at home too much is going to make me really bored, and fat. oh well.

if you really want a glimpse of everything which has been going on so far, you could either look on facebook for nice snapshots, or simply ask me. sentosa, banzai outing and matthew's birthday have been some of the more exciting things of late, and i'm already yearning for more stuff to do!

This holidays, I want to: watch sunrise&sunset . pick up the keyboard . pick up the drums . take tennis lessons . do stuff to keep myself fit . write more poems&stuff . take some form of dance lessons . bake&cook . catch up with my reading . see a shooting star, although I doubt it . settle the High-Y thingy . be able to finish writing christmas cards this year. well, and the list goes on and on and on. strangely enough, my mind doesn't seem to be functioning very well today. okay, maybe it's not that strange after all.

on another note, I've been thinking of many things recently. (NOTE: use of the word 'thinking' and not 'emoing') but since I always fail to record them down, it all turns out to be like these fleeting thoughts. they come, make a short impact, and then make their way out of my head. some part of it is retained, of course. but then again, it's very hard to really gauge how much. oh well, not like many people are really going to bother that much anyway.

Tag Replies
[jesslyn] haha okayy!
[someone] uhhh ...
[claire.] haha now you know that it is xD although it'll be pretty boring for readers to read a post like that. perhaps that's why my blog's viewership is always sufferring D:
[passerby] well, thanks passerby, whoever you are really.
[v] haha i didn't send any email in the end! but i know who you are already!
[nellie] omg this reply is so lag. but thanks (:
[kangjie] haha blame the question!
[jonlian] haha what type of question is that? ohh, rhetoric xD
[nigel] well, maybe it'll set in soon. I think my emotions are pretty weird.
[yenlin] :D and oh gosh, how come my spelling is so terrible :/
[arjun] haha okay!
[kangjie] kangjieeeeeeeee D: okayy whatever lol!
[claire.] -speechless- haha yes, can tell that you were very very bored!

The End, thus far.

what really is truth?

is truth, making sure no part of what you say is false?
is truth, adhering to fact always?

is truth, simply never lying?
is truth, painting a full picture of circumstance?

is truth, not withholding, without shrouding shadow?
is truth, transparency to the highest degree?

is truth, a promise?

would you tell me, the truth?

what really is trust?

is trust, asking your friend to look after your rice while you buy a drink?
is trust, letting a classmate look after your wallet while you do PE?
is trust, jumping down into the open arms of someone who said they'll break your fall?

is trust, telling a friend a small secret which your friend promised to keep?
is trust, the willingness to open up to another?
is trust, an unspoken dependance?

is trust, a mutual understanding, never withholding, always faithful, knowing that somehow everything will be okay?

well, I guess everybody just has different definitions.

I admit, I was bored.

1. Put Music Player on Shuffle.
2. Use Song Titles as answers to the question xD

1. If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
The Saddest Song – Until June
(Classic case of avoiding the question xD)

2. How would you describe yourself?
Look After You – The Fray
(haha, you mean my destiny's to be a guardian angel?)

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Long Walk Home – This Day and Age
(walking her home? that's the only long walk I can think of)

4. How do you feel today?
What Goes Around – Justin Timberlake
(Nothing went around today! I was super bored ><)

5. What is your life's purpose?
Someday - Nickelback
(ahhh, maybe i'll find it someday)

6. What is your motto?
Are You Ready - Creed
(Then, get set, GO!)

7. What do your friends think of you?
All About Love – Steven Curtis Chapman
(o.o I'm all about love?)

8. What do you think of your parents?
Sing for Absolution - Muse
(uhhhh...)

9. What do you think about very often?
Love Song - Anberlin
(why's there so much about love?!? Hmm...)

10. What is 2 + 2?
Hungry – Jeremy Camp
(HAHAHA. I don't know what to say. Doing math makes me hungry?)

11. What do you think of your best friend?
Is it any wonder? - Keane
(Noooooo... The lyrics are all wrong for this one, stupid song randomness)

12. What do you think of the person you like?
I Will Follow You Into The Dark – Death Cab for Cutie
(haha I think that's quite true for r'ships)

13. What is your life story?
Kisses and Cake – P.S. I Love You OST
(This sounds like more love stuff ><)

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
To the Moon and Back – Savage Garden
(ASTRONAUT?!?)

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Uwa no Sora – Plastic Tree
(y'know what? I totally don't even know what Uwa no Sora means!)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
屋顶- 周杰伦
(HAHA. Rooftop dancing xD)

17. What will they play at your funeral?
一个人住- 阿杜
(referring to my coffin? o.o)

18. What is your hobby/interest?
Untitled – Simple Plan
(riiight. my hobby is untitled.)

19. What is your biggest fear?
Faceless Man - Creed
(ahhhhh, my face!)

20. What is your biggest secret?
Run It! – Chris Brown
(I don't even know what this song is about!)

21. What do you think of your friends?
Younglife - Anberlin
(hmm, interesting song.)

22. What will you post this as?
What Can I Do – The Corrs
(nothing. that's why I'm doing this random quiz)

[Edit: omgg I realised I left something from the original which I copied over from joou somewhere in that meme, and it's TOTALLY very weird. deleted it already, so if you'v read it before, read again haha xD]

& I have nothing to do today. I'm probably going to stone at home the entire day, which isn't a very good prospective thought. I wish I could go out and do something. can't wait to see all those BANZAI people again though (: apcg outing anyone?

I'll post about grad night soon, as soon as all those photos finally upload themselves onto facebook! but for now, meme from joou.

[ ] I'm afraid of silence. (depends who the other party is)
[ ] I talk A LOT when I get really nervous.
[ ] I am really ticklish!
[ ] I'm afraid of the dark. (when I was small?)
[ ] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night. haha why?)
[ ] I can't sleep in a room if the door is open.
[ ] I can't sleep in a room if the door is closed.
[ ] I am afraid of gay or lesbian people.
[X] I believe in true love.
[ ] I've run away from home. (came really close to though)
[ ] I listen to political music (o.o ???)
[ ] I collect comic books.
[X] I shut others out when I'm sad. (depends on who the "others" are)
[X]I've stayed out all night.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[X] I am keeping a secret from the world. (most of the world at least xD)
[X] I watch the news. (not consistently though ><)
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs. (hate rap!!)
[X] I love Disney movies. (sweet :D)
[ ] I am a sucker for green eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for brown eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for blue eyes.
[X] I don't kill bugs, unless they irritate me. (hee, made an edit here)
[ ] I curse.
[ ] I have an "x" in my screen name.
[X] I've slipped and fell in public.
[X] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[X] I bake well. (the well part is debatable ><)
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class.
[ ] I have owned something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I want a better job.
[X] Talked on a phone for 6+ hours.
[ ] I love Dr. Phil.
[ ] I like multiple people.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. (nahh...)
[X] I am self-conscious.
[ ] I love to laugh.
[ ] I have smoked a pack in one day.
[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.
[X] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. (strepsils!)
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[X] I have a lot of scars. (what type, physical or emotional? xD)
[X] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. (>.<)
[X] I love chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I am not comfortable with being me.
[X] I play computer games when I'm bored.
[ ] Gotten lost in the city.
[X] Thought of suicide before.
[ ] Seen a shooting star. (I SO WANT TO SEE ONE OMG!)
[ ] Had a menage a trois. (I wouldn't know what it was if joou hadn't looked it up ><)
[ ] Gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] Have kissed someone really strange.
[ ] Hugged a stranger. (that's really strange)
[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of a diff. sex.
[ ] Been in a fist fight.
[ ] Been arrested.
[X] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose. (water, thankfully)
[ ] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[ ] Swore at Liberace.
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[ ] Gotten stitches. (I'm going to get some though ><)
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[X] Bitten someone.
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[X] Gotten the chicken pox.
[ ] Crashed into a car.
[ ] Been to Japan. (I wanna go!)
[X] Ridden in a taxi.
[ ] Shoplifted.
[ ] Been fired.
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date.
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] Been to Europe. (I wanna go!)
[ ] Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee.
[ ] Been to New York (I wanna go!)
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced
[X] Saw someone/something dying. (figuratively)
[ ] Have a list of people you want to kill.
[ ] Been to Canada.
[X] Been on a plane.
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar or club.
[X] Eaten sushi.
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[ ] Taken a picture just for the sole purpose of putting it on myspace/friendster/facebook
[ ] Been ice skating (but I think i can do it xD)
[X] Cried in public.
[X] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed. (scaryyy.)
[ ] Been at a party and instead of giving out your phone number you give them your myspace name and say look me up.
[X] Thought of someone a lot lately.
[ ] Hate the world. (Not in this sense xD)
[ ] Love LIKE someone who doesnt realize it. (I don't understand this statement!! But if it's what I think it is, then uhh maybe?)
[ ] Have your cell phone permanently attached to your hand/hip

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHOOYENLIN! (haha I copied this from joou's blog too!)

Happy 16th Birthday, yenlin :D (yay, my own!)

I was just thinking of something which has been on my mind for quite a while, but which I never really took that much notice of.

What if you have a really fantastic and complex dream, involving so many things and evoking so much emotion to the point where is seems almost real. But when you wake up, you forget every single thing about the dream. Everything except the person or people who was/were in it.

It's happened a few times already, not with the same person(s). And each time, I just wonder.

On a happier note, chinese Os are finally over (:

In just about 4 short hours time, I will be standing the Raffles Square for the very last morning assembly of my life in Raffles Institution. It'll be the very last time our batch sings the national anthem, the very last time I walk down the rows during assembly, the very last time I'll be carrying out morning duty in my capacity as a prefect.

That, will be the start of my very last day as a student of RI. Next year, things just won't be the same anymore. This will be the very last time 4K will be together officially, the very last time we can chill out in our classroom, the very last time on the very last day.

It's been an eventful 4 years, and when we graduate on friday, I really have no idea how I'm going to feel. 4 years have come and went, and right now, I'm going to embrace that very last time.

This is our end.

2:50am

I was thinking about something seemingly random, in the wee hours of the morning.

Imagine yourself writing something, a poem or song perhaps.
Suddenly, you find yourself at a loss for words.
You have so many things you wish to express.
The ideas are all in your head.
But, they just don't seem to come out right.
You feel that each time you pen something down,
you've left out an equally important part.
You try, and try, but do no justice.

This is when you know that no words can really describe the subject of your expression. It might be something too wonderful or too beautiful.

Maybe this is why somethings just aren't meant to be put into words (:

I think I'm supposed to do this, haha.

Name 20 people you can think of right now.
Don’t read the questions till you’ve named the 20 people.
& at the end, choose 11 people to do this.

1. Shou Jian
2. Chrisanda
3. Joou
4. Jarrell
5. Zaki
6. Yen Lin
7. Kang Jie
8. Sean Lim
9. Yen Yee
10. Celestine
11. Yuda
12. Matthew
13. Nazyra
14. Claire
15. Amanda
16. Kuan Yue
17. Jiakun
18. Jon Lian
19. Zhi Xuan
20. Tessa

Q1: How did you meet 14? (Claire)
A1: IJTP Invest '07!

Q2: What would you do if you didn’t meet no.1? (Shou Jian)
A2: I wouldn't have a nice house to study in xD nah kidding, probably would be much more emo in school.

Q3: What if 9 & 20 were dating? (Yen Yee & Tessa)
A3: Ummmm... Not possible!!

Q4: Describe 3. (Joou)
A4: Funny, smart, artistic and has the ability to make me high, among other things!

Q5: Is 8 attractive? (Sean Lim)
A5: His legs are xD

Q6: Describe 7. (Kang Jie)
A6: My other half of HR! Very organised, constantly in love with his mac!

Q7: Know any of 12’s family? (Matthew)
A7: Hmm, I've been to his house and seen both his parents before. Does that count?

Q8: What would you do if 10 broke up? (Celestine)
A8: Do what all good friends should, just be there (:

Q9: What language does 15 speak? (Amanda)
A9: English and Chinese? haha xD

Q10: Who is 9 going out with? (Yen Yee)
A10: uhhhhh... I wouldn't knowwwww!

Q11: How old is 16? (Kuan Yue)
A11: 16! Just like his number!

Q12: When was the last time you spoke to 13? (Nazyra)
A12: HAHA. What about, now!

Q13: Who’s 2 fave singer/band? (Chrisanda)
A13: -racks brain- I don't even know if she has one! Hillsongs maybe? (:

Q14: Will you like 4? (Jarrell)
A14: I've know him for like 6 years now, so ... xD

Q15: Will you ever date 1? (Shou Jian)
A15: Consider it done xD HAHA.

Q16: Is 19 single? (Zhi Xuan)
A16: I think so!

Q17: What is 18’s full name? (Jon Lian)
A17: Lian Enyong Jonathan.

Q18: Will you ever be in a relationship with 11? (Yuda)
A18: He'll so whack me!

Q19: What is the school of 17? (Jiakun)
A19: School-less (: He just graduated from HCI.

Q20: Where does 6 live? (Yen Lin)
A20: According to her, in a clump of houses, at the end of a road, next to a forest!

Q21: Favourite thing of 5? (Zaki)
A21: Favourtie thing? I've no ideaaaaaa!

Passing to 11 people:
Do it if you feel like (: or if you see your name around somewhere!

2:15 am

He loves her, but he never told her.

She loves him, but she never told him.

They both guess, wonder, are confused.

They both live in silence, without love.

He finds another, life moves on.

She is left behind in the cycle of life.

Later, discovery will only lead to regret.

Regret of what was never said, of what could have been.

Regret of a potential perfect, love story.

What is love, without any risk?

why does this always happen?

I feel so torn and broken up inside, again.