i haven't been blogging for so long! even though exams are over and all, i've been really busy with so many other things. it's already the last week of school for the year but it really doesn't seem so. apart from the many movies we watch in class maybe. everything is still so hectic. we are still required to stay in school late to do stuff. expectations are still real and present. i wanna just live through this holidays, have a lil fun and gear up for next year!

i'm back (:

and my wordpress has not been created yet. soon okay!

things have been pretty normal. grades have been pretty tramautic. school has been really busy! i have three million gazillion things on my hands now, with the addition of Sec 1 Orientation Main Camp Comm today. Never mind, i'll devote my holiday to orientation, RIPB and Moor House mainly. I think/hope it would be worth it whn i look back in a year's time and see what i have done (or failed to do). Let's jiayou!

i really don't feel like blogging now. Last few days have made me feel vvv tired! Even to the point that i fell asleep in the LT today afternoon during the Rafflesian Spotlight rehearsal! It was amazing because i fell asleep on the floor la >< I think i'll go sleep soon. Long day in sch till 6 plus tomorrow again!

- Buy Rafflesian Spotlight tickets! $5 each for a night of fun and music (: Friday: 610-9plus! Ask me for tickets!

- I have got a million things to say now. Not the right timing?

okay, nothing more from me today! byee.

i have so much to blog about now. but not here. it's not the right place.

okay people, i'm creating a wordpress account for the purpose of password protecting some posts! i can't do it properly on blogger ): so yes, wordpress it is. ask me for the passwords for the posts. i might give them out, not to everybody though but to some people only.

i think i shall start tomorrow.

-today is a very confusing day. my mind thinks too much.

Human Resource Dept. 07' (:

we happily decided that we wanted a change of atmosphere and so we left to go somewhere else to eat the cake we bought. boo, they didn't want to go to the esplanade rooftop which would have been such a nice place ): in the end, after running across roads, taking jumpshot photos at esplanade and sprinting across the bridge in front of The Fullerton, we arrived at the merlion! it's been a while since i have had the time to be at the waterfront this late in the night, and i realised how amazing everything just is. gazing out into the night landscape has this surreal feeling. and the skyline just completes it all.

arriving at the merlion, i tried to take a photo of it in the night. and the rest said i was zilian cuz they thought i was trying to take a picture of myself ): i wasn't okay! haha. the cake sort of melted too so it wasn't too good. and something really weird happened! kangjie tried to move the cake around and pass (or smash) it at jiahao. and greg walked past at that split second. guess the outcome. i pity greg.

we left after more photos and some chatting. walking back to cityhall mrt was nice too cuz we could have nice talks and all (: and i did something really crazy! i stood in the middle of the road to take photos, twice! thankfully no cars came by. reached home at 11 plus and it was the end of one eventful night. thanks HR dept!

alone .

i really want to write a poem or something based on this picture because one picture like this speaks so much. it's really so beautiful, all the ways it can be interpreted. it's such a lonely road, yet with lights to light the way.

theres so much i wants to do now. to win interclass soccer. to sort out "things" in my school life. to plan and set a good foundation for moor house. to take good care of all the newly elected prefects. to be a good team leader for the vietnam trip. to be a good head of the human resource department.

and to find a time to bare my heart. have a nice talk. and trust you.

i'm tired now.

everybody should really watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA&mode=related&search=

it's really touching and nice. i've been watching it again and again the last two days and it never fails to move me. it just feels so amazing (:

there's nothing really much to say for today. PSL training was okay i guess. slightly dry though in parts. and interclass soccer was a washout. we'll play again tomorrow and another day.

i don't know what to do tomorrow night. i have these things on:
a) Human Resource dinner @ Seoul Garden
b)Family stuff somewhere
c) LitRA attendance @ NLB
d) EXODUS

i don't know ):

-thanks for being so understanding. i really really am happy.

the poem in my previous post was not well written at all.

looking back at it, it can't even pass off as a poem. the word choice is wrong, the structure is weird and all. okay, i shall edit it when i have time soon (: then it would sound much better i hope.

you know, yesterday and today have been weird days. it's like a happy and sad and emo and joyful and tiring day all thrown in together and blended. i spent two hours today just sitting by the little road at the raja block and thinking, thinking and thinking of stuff. it's so hard to find a time to think like this and i finally found some. but still, i didn't let loose today. but so much stuff crossed my mind, including new script ideas. people and places too.

i don't really feel like blogging in detail now. i don't know to put how im feeling in proper words. maybe it's just the weight of the world bearing down. but i'm tired now. i've gotta let jesus take charge of all these uncertainties and stuff. yes.

i'm committing inter-class tomorrow into the hands of God. now and forever.

i'll sign off with these three words: warm , gratitude , timely . ( all these were )

okay. here's part two of the post meant for long long ago. (finally) and i also finally realised that my font size has become bigger! so for everyone who has said it was small, hope you all can see it already okies? yayness.

interruption in post: EXCO meeting tomorrow at 10am. and then moor house EXCO meeting after that to decide on the rest of the stuff! sigh, gonna be another long day once more. but i'm committed. i have to be (:

okies, back to where i was at (:

4+5) what's my direction for the next year? frankly, i have no idea yet. maybe not tatally no idea but its just that all the ideas are not concrete yet at all. i have so many plans to do things well, but no one knows how it will turn out until it is fueled to initiation. next year is going to be a busy year, i know it. it's the school's 185th anniversary and that means alot. i pray to God for the strength to carry me through this next year.

RIPB: human resource is not going to be easy at all. there are so many things which need to be settled, so many things which need to be improved on to make everything so much better. theres this air of expectation floating around already! and i feel it. i feel it decending on my head, pushing me further, making me work harder. i want to contribute. i need to contribute. (actually, we all do) we all need to work together to make next year a success. things are too big to be handled alone. not even shanzhi can handle everything alone. committment guys. it will be okay.

MOORHOUSE: THE HOUSE CHAMPIONSHIP. The elusive prize which slips away from the grasp of 4 out of the 5 house captains each year. I'm placing a great expectation on myself to bring the championship trophy back to moor after a year of absence. I know that it's possible, even with all the people saying we lack both talent and committed members. I choose not to believe it because it is NOT true. I'm so confident that people will rise up and take up the mantle in each area. even though people seem so dead now, maybe its only that one fresh breath of air which they need.

the members of moor house constitute one-fifth of the entire school population! in this 1/5 of the people, i'm sure there are many many waiting falcons in our midst. people with such immense potential, undiscovered. i wish to discover unpolished diamonds in the midst of the house. just like brian discovered my ability to do long jump in sec 1. i want to help fellow moorians break barriers and discover what they hold inside. rise up falcons of moor, the skies are calling!

personally, i'm placing my leadership of moorhouse totally under God's grace and mercy. I know i can't do it on my own strength. so, jesus take my wheel. if moor can be under the hands of papa God, i'm sure it can be different from the other house. set apart! i don't know how many people will agree with this, but i know its the right way to go. for myself at least (: well, i'm just going to do my best. and take down what may come my way next year!

we are, fiery and formidable.

6) its time to talk about people. oh man, i have so many different people to talk about. lets take it slow (:

to the one i thought would be there but then faded away: i thought you would be close. it seemed so right from the start when we worked. i always treasured this friendship. but you seem further now. far off, from what used to be. maybe it's just me. i once thought of you as my closest friend in school (even though i never could tell you everything on my heart, maybe i told you nothing even) but you seem lost now. maybe it's just the stress. relax okay. and get it back (:

to ecne: i'm sorry i felt so detached while i was busy. sorry to all the people who thought i didn't care anymore. i still do. but we all seem so far away, just like i didn't want it to be. we were tight. we still can be. i don't know how to say this anymore. just that, you all have been the one of the best groups in my life. i'm still carrying our tag on my bag you know, wanting the memories back. let's stay together.

to the people who are meant to be the closest (but aren't): i don't have much to say. i don't know what to or how to even if i had a million words. i've been hurt maybe. influenced maybe. broken maybe. i wish everything could be alright. i wish we could be close. it wasn't to be i guess. it really wasn't. i looked to elsewhere for people. i don't know. i really don't anymore.

to the one who i knew cared (but i didn't dare tell much to you): thank you (: now that you're gone, not totally though, i seem further. but i know you still care. you have you own burdens. your own struggles. but i thank you that you touched my life. strive on!

to you, who means so much: it's only been such a short time. i never thought i would be able to get to know someone in such a short time, let alone with trust. but it still happened and i thank God for that. thank you for being there when it really mattered most (: you've been like the friend and maybe even sibling i never really had. you know, even the small things like the prayers and encouragement are so important. because they came when no others did. i'm thankful i really trust you now. i really really do.

to (of) you .

so small, me
inside the giant sphere. which
as if according to the twisted plan,
never ceased its hurts;
painful tribulations, they were
cutting my heart into two.

it never really did help when
i called out, but you all
never seemed to understand. I
kept myself where no one could ever.
find me!
i'm knocking at the door of my own heart.

fifteen minus three, i thought
was perfect for this match.
not more than threehundredandsixtyfive
it ever lasted. i tasted daylight
for once in my life;
only for the shell to clamp again.

fifteen minus zero, plus abit.
the match isn't the same anymore, maybe
the smell of the charred end differs.
it's still an e s c a p e , for me
and the secret life in the shell.
i know i can choose to open up.

i know the heavenly father does care
though i can't live
in a world without the ample humans. I
no longer have a wayward trust
which i placed only in the [empty] air; fully
knowing theres FINALLY someone there.

no long, but it really seems like
a thousand years which have came and, gone
with the wind blowing past these memories.
i'm not inconsolable now
i'm opening up now; to you.
you can do too.

trust!
i know,
i do.
really! really!
like never before in my life.

i know i've found in you, one true friend.
never will i be I again.
thank you.

______________________________

this isn't really meant to be a real poem. haha.

i'm sorry i can't type everything i feel out here. because, you know, i can't pw protect it ): i know you will understand.

but thats all for now.
bye. (i'll post again soon)

1) common occurances during the EOY period
2) all the people i need to thank and mention (:
3) yesterday and today.
4) my direction - school, moor and RIPB
5) what's coming up
6) people. yes, people. those who stood up in my life.

these are the things i need to blog about. guess what. i opened a new post then forgot what i was supposed to say! so i needed to copy and paste the list over. anw, i'll start typing now (and see how long it takes for me to get tired!)

1) i declare that i am totally tired at staring at the walls of any library. everyday from 1 oct, i have been sitting in some library and trying to study as much as i can. that makes 11 straight days in either bishan, angmokio or national! and so now, unless i have people to go with or an important reason to go, i am not stepping into a library at least for a while! (i have this funny feeling i am gonna defy my words really soon though)

at least from this, i learnt that i can study better in the library. there are so many less distractions and stuff (: so from next year onwards, studying is to be done in a library. preferably with two or three frens! i don't regret any time spent in those libraries though. whether studying, relaxing, joking, sleeping (for a while only). it was all fun especially with everyone around! i think the librarians all recognise us now! and i think the pods and tables and floor has our imprint (figuratively) on them!

every night as the library until 8 plus has been fun and fruitful. as well as saturday at angmokio and sunday afternoon at national (: the library certainly seemes very different at different times of the day. and it's sometimes a nice place to emo abit. especially when the sky is overcast and the atmosphere is just right!

ok. enough about libraries! thank God that i manage to clear all my papers! during the EOY period, it's very stressful and stuff. and the fact that i was so behind on revision didn't help alot. but it was okay in the end and i didn't freak out or anything. (except for physics where i like totally blacked out during the paper) yay time to forget EOYs now (: it's over!

2) PEOPLE (: okay heres goes!

3K: for being the best class in the whole sec3 level. it's so awesome that half the class goes out for lunch and to study each day! and we all go together. i think the librarians hate us for coming into the libraries in huge clusters.

shoujian, sean, aaron tiong and jarrell: for helping so much and always staying till the latest times (especially shoujian) to help! and aaron for teaching me all the science and maths stuff (:

people who mugged with me over the weekend: yay thanks alot (: i wouldn't have done much studying at home. and i found out weird stuff and had nice fun over both days. *mrt incident!

IGNITE and RGEN people: for all the encouragement during church and for the messages from some of you!

YOU, who was placed in my life at just the right time: thankyouu (: i can't say enough. really. (long paragraph coming up in section 6 ) yay and thank God!

3) thursday! after litEOY, the whole class screamed together! screams of joy, happiness and relief! then it was like a three hours soccer marathon which followed (: i haven't played this much for ages. and it was a good time! and after that, i was really superr tired! so i went home and slacked. it was the first time i was home before the sky was dark for two weeks!

friday! i overslept! but we had more soccer in the morning (: next followed an impulse decision to go watch ratatouille at plaza sing. (as it turns out, i never regretted it) the movie was superr nice! i was totally in love with the adorable rat, remy (: and the plot and themes and all were brilliant. i really should have watched it earlier. we ended at three plus and then went to queensway! a pity that the crests couldn't be sewn on to our jerseys ): but i'm happy that i bought my gloves finally (: yay! * btw, shoujian fell asleep on the bus ride home. so did i.

okay, i've decided to split items 4, 5 and 6 into another post which i'm gonna try to type after this. i'm not gonna leave YOU out okay! dun worry (:

byee (for now).

hello! i'm back after surviving my EOYs (:

anw, i wanted to post this reallyreally long post today. but then it's so late now, my dad wants me to sleep early and i'm tired too after going out the whole day! so, i think i'll post slowly tomorrow! and i hope to be done with all i need to say by tomorrow night (:

in the meanwhile, i'll sorta list out all i wanna blog about so i won't forget!

1) common occurances during the EOY period
2) all the people i need to thank and mention (:
3) yesterday and today.
4) my direction - school, moor and RIPB
5) what's coming up
6) people. yes, people. those who stood up in my life.

yupp, thats basically it (oops, its alot). so prepare for a long post (:

bye. (i finally watched ratatouille today btw. the rat is uber CUTE!)

okies, i'll make this a short one!

it's 130am on the day of the last EOY of my secondary 3 life. literature.

everything seems to pass so quickly. i thank God for help, strength and people he placed in my life (:

i'm running the last lap today (with your support too :D ) . it'll be all over after that!

i'll post later. after this long race concludes.

jiayou (: