last night, i had a very strange dream.

i woke up half thinking it was true, only to discover that it was all part of my imagination.

it's really weird to see all that i hoped to happen yet hoped not to happen, all that i imagined yet couldn't imagine, all that i wanted yet didn't want, all that made me smile yet all that made me cry and all that finished with a happy ending yet all that fell apart, all present inside this one dream.

the people in this dream, really made me wonder, contemplate.

is this the mirror of my reality? because i might really have cried.



anyway, on to the long list of other stuff which i promise in my previous post xD i really don't think i can finish writing about all the stuff. hopefully i can though.

26th of Feb was PI day! i think i woke up with a lot of excitement even though i was still half-asleep when i left my house. SS test in the morning seemed to pass very quickly, and so did all the last minute prep for PI. everything was going according to plan i guess. and i'm still quite amazed that the EXCO managed to learn the EXCO dance in like 20 minutes (:

the ceremony started a little late, but still managed to whizz past in no time. i'm satisfied with whatever happened during the ceremony. maybe the speeches were a tad too long, but that's really besides the point. soon, the dance started and we were quite hyped up (: started well (with shanzhi a little off sync as usual!) and continued on well.

then it happened.

the music totally stopped half way through the third chorus. silence soon followed. i could sense that tinge of uncertainty in the air before we continued to sing the rest of the song, and perform the by-now-rather-out-of-sync dance. and it ended. all the hours of teaching and rehearsals for this. and all the guests promptly filed out of the hall.

on hindsight, i'm quite disappointed with the way the finale turned out. or maybe the problem just lay with the way it was crafted in the first place. being at RGS SLI just a few days earlier put so such expectation on ourselves because i could see how good their item was. discounting the fact that girls usually dance better than guys (which in fact might not be true all the time), the entire feel the item gave was good. i knew individual move by individual move we could never match up, and so i hoped we could come together as a board to make it work. in a sense, i'm glad each member of the board put in so much effort into trying to learn the dance properly even of you had two (or more) left feet (: i'm really really happy that you all bothered to take owenership of what was your performance for your investiture. but how it turned out, let's say it's just not the best that it could have been. i've got my own reasons, some of which aren't very convienent to be mentioned here. anyway, it's over now, we did what we could. we finished this race.

maybe it's just that i had really high expectations for this PI?

whatever the case, i thank all the prefects who really helped out in so many ways! especially all the sub-comm ICs, who worked so hard to put everything into sync and make everything right. NEPs, i hope you all enjoyed the investiture in which you all were formally investited in. one way or another, in the eyes of different people, i guessed it turned out fine (:

theodore has not posted in a very long time.
theodore is feeling very busy these days.
theodore wants to post but can't find the time.

so i shall just type out everything i want to post about before i forget and then post about it one day soon when i have more time and don't have to stay up till 2am like now to do projects and study. heh.

1) PI '08 JUMP! Leave Your Heartprint.
2) Track & Field + Moor House Stuff
3) The Prep for PI
4) RGS SLI + RJC Drama Fest
5) 23 February 2008, Saturday
6) Feelings (recent, not so recent and forever existant)
7) Poems
8) and of course that long email promised on saturday night/sunday morning, which i still owe you. sorry ):

till then. tata.

and if you knew, maybe we could know each other a little better ;

as the not-so-abstract title of this post implies, i'm trying to catch up on the (recent) past and finish blogging about what i have yet to blog about since CNY! this is the result of not blogging for ages. sigh. righttttt, so let's go backwards!

today: woke up to my handphone ringing and a message that drama meeting had been changed to bishan macs. so went down for the meeting, which ended at 12. was intending to study after that, but i didn't really know where, so i was left wandering arnd for a while before i decided to take 13 to AMK macs/library to do my stuff there. in the end, i ended up have lunch at the macs before going back to AMK library to study for two hours. alone ): ohh well, at least i got my work done. but i couldn't find a nice table ): haha. went to church after that and the rest of the day got pretty standard.

yesterday: "I BULLY BEN GOH TODAY!" I wrote that in the RIPB emo book! haha although it's like totally not emo and all, i decided to write it there for fun! so me, shanzhi, clement, wayne and gulshan were at the PB room trying to make our PI gifts when suddenly, a clay-ball fight erupts. it continues with me trying to throw clay balls at ben goh, which was made more fun by his constant running away! hahaha i think i went crazy for a while!

valentine's day: OMG i had a date for valentine's day! sadly, it was with the RIPB ): in a rather cold lecture theatre, have a rather dry meeting, feeling rather sandy after the long jump finals earlier in the day. haha great valentine's day huh? D: unsurprisingly, some faces were missing from the late meeting which lasted till 7 (hey, we finished on the dot okayy!) i wonder why. haha. anw, had long jump finals earlier in the day, in which i didn't manage to jump past 5m. which made me quite sad because i knew i could do it, but just couldn't seem to that day. in the end, ended up in 5th place overall with a jump of 4.92m ): ohohoh, kieran has some really cool photos (: not of me though. so essentially, i spent my 16th valentine's day in school, at bishan stadium and back in school at a meeting. late in the night, i had a date with my lit essay!

i was toying with the idea of doing something really crazy, of taking the risk and making my stand on this. i didn't in the end. i hope i don't regret this.

happy (belated) valentine's day <3

above: my class GANG (: & mooty trying to act tall!

okay, i shall post part 2 soon. on all the things i need to say.

goodnight.

i was thinking about some stuff today and i suddenly remembered a story i read while i was in vietnam during OIP. i really felt like crying when i read this in the email message, but didn't want to because i was in someone else's house. it was perfect timing. thanks for sending this story to encourage me (:

"I wish you enough"
By Bob Perks

I never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.

I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to "hello" and "goodbye."I must have mentioned this a few times while writing my stories for you.

I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.

Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.

On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check in, the woman said, "How are you today?" I replied, "I am missing my wife already and I haven't even said goodbye."

She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you...Oh, my God. You will only be gone three days!" We all laughed. My problem was I still had to say goodbye. But I learn from goodbye moments, too.

Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."

They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.

So I knew what this man experiencing."Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.

"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."

He then began to sob and walked away.

I guess the beauty in this story isn't only in the story itself, but also the many different ways this story can be read and interpreted according to situation.

Speaking of inspiring, Lewis decided to give me the song "Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns just now. I didn't ask for it, but when i heard the lyrics, it hit me quite hard. This is really one case of perfect timing. Coupled with two other songs, "Stained Glass Masquerade" and "Does Anybody Hear Her", this really spoke tonight!

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

-"Praise You in this Storm" Casting Crowns

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

-"Stained Glass Masquerade" Casting Crowns

Thank God for perfect timings sometimes (:

JUMP!

*cough cough*




oh well.