i'm falling in love with the style of play of djokovic and tsonga!

haha managed to sneak in time to watch the Australian Open Men's Final just now, in between studying for physics and doing Moor House stuff! and it was really good (: although the match was super duper long (3 hrs plus) and irritating channel 5 cut the broadcast halfway only to resume it later at 10! the only downside, i hoped tsonga had won though.

and now, y'know what? i have no idea how to blog about the whole of the past week! i really don't know how because so many things happen, come and go. ok here goes what i can remember in point form!

thanks for all the belated birthday messages!
thanks to OIP team for the cake! (which was USED again!)
then subsequently fell sick over last weekend ):
house meeting 1 on tuesday! haha thankfully it turned out okay!
went down to national archives on wednesday to learn how to use the system for the musuem project.
PI meeting on thursday for vvvv long! then EXCO talk session (: heh.
soccer and tennis after school on friday!

okay, that's basically it! SUPER COMPRESSED!

back to the present

i'm looking forward to a very busy week! thankfully there is staff training day, whch would give me some sort of a break although the whole afternoon is filled with PI meetings! i think PI is really stressful now. heh. oh well, i'm bracing myself for long nights in school, again.

sigh, i realised that in the midst of all this, i'm not giving myself time to think anymore. on thursday, when i had some sort of luxuary of time, i spent 45 minutes sitting along the astroturf doing nothing. totally nothing, just thinking. I always like to think that thinking is okay, but too much thinking makes you emo, which isn't really okay. i guess that is true to some extent. i've always wanted more time to look deeper into myself, to realise what really matters to me, to sort out my priorities. but i'm not getting any. i guess time can be the devil's advocate too huh?

these days i just want to think so much. just want to be alone sometimes. just need a ear sometimes. just want to be the ear to someone else sometimes. two years of deja vu have come and past, this year better not be the same. but that depends on how things unfold, if they attack me from the start, and pull me down the long tiring road, then maybe deja vu again?

conflicting feelings are never good. usually one's the better option and the other's the option which the candy wrapper, the one sugar coated. i hope i know what's best.

thinking in church doesn't help much too, and today, i reaffirmed a startling conclusion. there's a stumbling block in front of me and it isn't helping my spiritual life. but it can't be moved. this block will be a permanent fixture. so maybe i'm the one who needs to move away from it? maybe i'm the one who needs change. maybe i'm the one who needs to find somewhere better suited to my growth. maybe.

as i once again stare at the yet to be delivered christmas present on my table, i wonder, how much of this is as real as i perceive it to be. am i expecting too much with too high hopes?

i thought i could make it right. i really did.

is it possible?

faith. that's what's keeping me hanging on to this.

i've just changed my blog skin (:

thought that 7 months with the previous one was more than enough. so although i liked the previous one alot, it was time for change. so i hope this skin is okay! i'm still trying to sort out some problem with the tagboard scrolling, but other than that, things are mostly sorted out. though i must say this isn't the ideal skin i want, but the best that i could find. so oh well, make do with this.

i have so so so many things to post about now. but i don't feel like posting, i don't know why. maybe out of impulse i'll post one late late tonight. see how! but really, seeing so many things go on in the past week, feeling the mix of fluttering emotions and all just keeps the mind alert, thinking. if i would write out everything in words, this post would never end for a very very long time. still, some things also are left unwritten i guess.

that's all for now. impulse post later!

thanks to everyone who made these last 24 hours meaningful (:

to all the people who wished me on msn/email/sms/call: shaun, jonlimyongen, jem tay, distant cousin dudley, koonchong, shoujian, elias, jarrell, rachel, kuanyue, peter, aunty ruth, jerrold, haoqin, gerald sng, samuel foo, aunty irene, jem tay (again!), dingjie, amanda, gerald tan, jianxiong (who wished me twice in quick succession to become the last one to wish me on my birthday and the first one to wish me happy belated birthday!) and then amanda again (belated this time!).

to all the people who wished me in person in school: hongfei, kelvin koa, shanzhi&shoujian&jarrell&danieltay, kieran (who tried to do it in chinese!), brian, jonlimes, the bestest class 3K (who made so much noise in the LT!), mr joseph wong, jonlimes, RIPB!

to the people who wished me on facebook: dingjie, kartik, gloria, mrs gwen chow!

thanks kangjie for the prezzie!
thanks shanzhi&shoujian&jarrell&danieltay for the prezzie!
thanks jon for the card + prezzie!
thanks RIPB for the cake (which is USED in different ways!) which ended up everywhere but in my mouth & the weird drink & the weird can confetti which was SCARY and colourful & the card!

thank you for the one wish which meant so much.

thanks everyone :D i reallyreallyreallyreallyreally hope i didn't forget anybody D: hope not! tell me if i did okay!

i think my emotions were pretty strange today. it was just like a rollercoaster, up down up down up down. trust me, those types of emotions on your birthday isn't a nice feeling. really. but it turned out well in the end i guess. ended on a high which i was having hope for the whole day. at least tomorrow i won't have anymore up downs i think (:

every year, you think differently on your birthday. every year, this day takes a different turn. you take in in, soak it up and then reflect how it's been. what and who is more important now.

do birthday wishes come true? (:

but i read something today which evoked tears from my eyes.
i'm really hoping it isn't true;

its' almost 10 days since my last update! omg omg, school's really been so busy that i don't have time to do alot of things now! oh well, it's the last year i have here anyway.

actually, i don't really know what to blog about! so many things go on all the time in school. good, bad, warm, cold, heartwrenching, comforting and all. i would really say that the last two weeks in school have been filled with so many countless emotions. so many things to think about, so many things to do, so many platforms to fall and pick myself up from.

i really just want to settle down, set everything right and get back on track now. set the tone for the rest of the year i guess. no more mistakes this year, theodore. no more mistakes.

anyway, today was a pretty random day

chem lesson was just pure random again (like every other chem lesson)

shoujian and kieran took joy in unzipping my whole pencil case! ahh D:

i finally saw natalie in school! haha.

irritated jonlim in the canteen!

trip to the museum was good (:

bumped in fiona and realised she cut her hair! (it's not bad okay!)

shanzhi is being random again (as always) lol!

went down to national museum with RE mates jarrell, rich, mchia, junsean and kenneth for the meeting with the curators today. mrs neoh said i looked stressed! hahaha but i was not (: the project sounds really fun! even when i chose to join the group for this project, i only like knew all the rough details and all but not all the specifics. but after hearing the plans the people had in mind, it sounds massive, challenging yet really fun! i hope i'm going to enjoy the whole course of this (: hahaha. now i'm grouped with jarrell and we have millions of readings to do from now till march! some of the readings sound scary D: hope for the best!


y'know, i'm being pretty confused now.
it's like, the pendulum seems to swing far too often.
maybe i looked too much into signs there never were.
maybe i didn't look hard enough.

or maybe i'm just thinking too much.
because.



time flies by;
spins the hand of the ageing clock
in accordance
with the clockwork mechanism
called age, years.

i'm back again,
at the place each year.
one up from the past
one down to the future
but for the present.

candles don't always represent age.
it's more of intangible hope,
the resounding voice of reassurance
of what the future bodes.
but does it?

never.theless.
another prayer made,
another wish blow into the sky,
another extinguishing of those flames.
were they of hope or despair?

it's you it's for.
the garden gate.
the crimson flames.
the hope and prayer.
maybe one day.

they say 16 is sweet.
i'll wait and see.

for some reason, i'm still remembering 2007.
it's like i don't want to let go of it, yet.
maybe it's the thoughts and memories which it held.
maybe it's how i've grown inside.

2007 was a year of many firsts.
some were good, some not so good.
nevertheless, everything feel into place
and created emotions. not only EMOtions.

i'm thankful for everything,
which has taken and shaped me.
but going on your own is never easy.
there's always this sense of loss, sometimes.

y'know, theres always this fear that the following year won't be as good.
there's the apprehension going into a new 366 days.
anticipation mixed into it too,
and in the end, you don't know what you end up with.

i rode a motorbike for the first time.
i went to vietnam for the first time.
i think i really experienced class spirit for the first time.
i didn't keep my inner-most feelings to myself only for the first time.

so many things happen,
with just so little time to squeeze them into.
this year is going to be the same i predict.
and i'll never know what's going to happen.

let's keep this year going.
i want it to be great.

in relations to this,
perhaps it was apt for me to spend my first 50 mins of 2008 on a garden gate
just thinking to myself, and the occasional words.
i tried to sort my mind out before this tough year,
but i don't know how well it worked.
but i know there are things i can't lose.

time really flies too.
now we are the secondary 4s conducting the secondary 1 camp,
in which we were participants just three years ago.
now we are seniors in the school,
awaiting promotion and graduation.

now i am turning 16 in less than 2 weeks,
and i can't believe it.

remain.
i want it better, this way.
uncertain.
i want it clearer, pristine.
close.
i want it to stay, just the right.
how?
can it be?

goodbye 2007.

today is the 1st of January 2008. a new year. a new start. a fresh slate.

in other words, it's the start of a new 366 day year! * jumps * it's a LEAP year! i really hope this year can be as eventful or even more eventful than the past one. 2007 brought with it countless memories and i'm sure 2008 can do the same. 2008 is going to be filled with so many more challenges, more tribulations, more things to juggle, more things to care about and more experiences to encounter.

4K is going to be the best class ever.
Moor House is going to make history.
RIPB (HR Dept) is going to be even more fabulous than before.
RIPB is going to go strongly forward.
Rgen is going to continue to be so on fire.
Everything's gonna fall into place. I believe.

& even as 2007 has passed, there's just so much to say about one great year. no doubt it's been filled with it's fair share of ups and downs, it's been eventful still, everything in it's own special way. there's so many things i need to give thanks for, to smile for and to talk about. it's been one super experience even as i close the 15th chapter of my life. and look on to the 16th year (:

3K '07 has really been the best class ever in my life (: coming off a rough end to 2006, there was really lots of apprehension coming into the new year with a new class. there was so much uncertainty of how well i would fit, how much spirit we would have and stuff like that. when i looked at the class list before term opened, i saw so many people i didn't even know at all. i must admit that i held many stereotypes at the start of the year. how i thought hernwei was super pai-kia, how i thought zhixuan was quite dao, how i thought shoujian was quite irritating and stuff like that. but through it all, you guys have really changed my perceptions. everything which i thought at the start of the year was just put aside as we bonded as a class. through OBS, mass failing math tests, having so much fun in the classroom, random class outings to play and watch soccer, having lunch together everyday during EOY period and then going to bishan library to mass mug and suffering heartbreaks together, we got to know each other so much more. i can truly say i wouldn't have traded this class for any other in our level (: we have the best class spirit, we had the most fun and we show what really a class is meant to be like. not made of two halves or four quarters, but one whole (: we had so much fun this year and i'm sure next year will be even better. thanks guys for this great experience (: you guys rock!

RIPB. the year hasn't been easy, needing to juggle prefect duties with studies and such. but we stuck together through all the hard work we needed to do, the times when we had to stay back in school really late to complete stuff, the times when we kept being rushed to complete things. i've so many memories on how we work on things like PI (all the staying back real late), teachers' day (sticking stars into bottles!) and times when we just work as a board. thank you, all the people whom i've worked with (:

ECNE! (natalie, rachel, dingjie, nick, jerman, nickee, adeline, klara, jenny) you guys must be the best 13th SLC group ever (: thanks each and every one of you who made my SLC experience so great. i'm never going to forget the times we ran along orchard road or through fortcanning tunnel (although it said out of bounds!), the times we spent the whole of vesak day rushing out Action Paper to see it emerge the best in consortium the next day, the times we sat in meeting after meeting together discussion action papers, the dinner at KAP and all the outings after SLC was over. you people really made my june holidays! outing soon soon! haha :D

BREAD and IGNITE. thanks for being such great lifegroup members! switching lifegroup in the middle of the year was never easy, but everything fell in place (: to BREAD: you people are the craziest bunch i've ever been with. it's like non-stop laughter always! even though i didn;t really get the chance to know each one of you as well, the times as a LG are always amazing. to IGNITE: thanks for helping me settle down so fast. and i'm really glad i've been able to click with all of you so fast (: the short time i've spent here has been great. to aletheia, gerald, gavin, jemtay and angel: thanks for being such great LG leaders (: all the encouragement and support has meant alot. really.

OIP team to Hue City! we started of as strangers for some of us, but we grew so close in 14 days. pretty amazing i would say (: thanks each one of you who was on this trip with me. especially shoujian and gerald who i talked to so much about all the sadness and stuff ): heh. OIP has been a great experience, not only for me to further hone my leadership skills and stuff, but just as an immersion programme on its own. the experience in itself can't even be described by any words now. although the 14 days weren't all smooth, i'm gonna jump at any oppurtunity to do it again.

and finally, thank you (: thanks for everything. you've been great. i can't say enough.

i spent countdown to 2008 on a garden gate. there were stars in the sky at first, then they were covered by clouds. the breeze was cool, the nightscape tranquil. i just looked and wished. i wished my wish for the new year. alone, in the open, with the trees and wind as my witness. my voice whispered into the night sky, "happy new year you". and my wish left my lips. to be washed by the wind. breeze upon breeze. but the words fastened in my heart for the year. come true.

a new year now beckons. a year to set things right, to build on things, to discover the new. i don't know what the year holds. but i'll try. i'll keep on trying.

here's to 2008 (: