i'm sitting at home right now and staring out my window at the rain which is falling outside. the sky's a shade of grey and everything outside is just so cold and bleak. usually this would make me emo, but ... ... today's no different. haha just kidding. i didn't stare outside long enough for me to start thinking about anything, actually. still, today's been a pretty dreary day as it's been raining since morning. rain, go away?

anyway, I've had so many things which I've wanted to blog about ever since the last post, but haven't seemed to be able to find the time or energy to actually document it down right here. sorry for the lack of regular updates. it's just a very busy time right now, with all the tests/prelims/assignments piling up in the very last week of the term. I WILL SURVIVE! I have to constantly try to brainwash myself because I'm just very tired and I need a break very very soon. even this post is being typed in the midst of me struggling to churn out my showcase portfolio which is due in monday. the worst part is that on wednesday, I have portfolio oral defence + math CCT + physics quiz. this is a disaster (which I haven't thought about how to cope with yet) but haha i hope that there'll be a way out, somehow.

by the way, doing up my portfolio and drafting my testimonial has really made me wonder just exactly what have I left behind after my 4 years in RI. I can recall so many high points in these 4 years, but I can also feel so many regrets, to the point that it's really all a jumble when I try to piece it all together. just like my thoughts most of the time, huh. I don't know if I've been able to be the role model I should have been, the leader which lets people look up to me, etc. and it's not helping that it now keeps dawning on me that my time in RI is almost over already. Well, I'll prob post more about this once I clear everything.

I don't feel in a mood to do abstract typing now, although I have quite alot of thoughts floating around in my mind now. guess they'll have to wait for later. but just as a last note, thanks for your concern, everybody who tagged. I'm okay, really.

[amanda] haha yeah I know! thanks alot (:
[chris] yupp! thanks chris (:
[broinchrist] & that will be more than enough. thanks, whoever you are.
[kangjie] I am! if I'm not, you'll have found a dead cat very long ago!
[chris] that's true. don't worry kae?
[zhixuan] I'm fine, no need to be worried.
[anon] i know, it's just a temporal feeling. i guess.
[jonlian] i <3 my new skin (:
[claire] ahh no emo cat! haha smile and the world smiles with me (:

so meanwhile, look at these lyrics and try to figure out what they mean to me.

So Sick - Ne-Yo
Mmmm mmm yeah
Do do do do do do do-do
Ohh Yeah

Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cause right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cause you walked out the door
But it's the only way
I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger than this
(enough is enough)
No more walking round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Crying over you

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calendar I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Don't make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
I'm letting go
Turning off the radio

Cause I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin' you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Why can't I turn off the radio?

the answer is that, it means nothing. I chose this song only for the title, which is a mirror of how i felt yesterday. Today's better, but I'm still down with fever/throat infection/flu. bleh.

but in a sense, I am sick of love songs ;