the blanket of the night slowly creeping ;
across this deep blue facade.
it begin to spin the symphony of the malevolent.
it creeps, knocks
then retracts the subtle way it came
again. and i am left.

i don't even know what to call the paragraph above. it's surely not a poem. maybe i should call it a fragment, which i'll develop on someday. somehow, it doesn't sound coherent at all. maybe i shall just delete it? sigh, a result of 2 minute writing D:

i have decided to chuck aside all the things i planned to blog about, to blog about some other random thoughts instead. my mind is really full of things now and the way things are going isn't helping. i'm just thankful i have people alongside me to listen, to help and to make living life so much easier (:

now i was randomly blog surfing one day not so long ago and i started reading about how people had to leave their JC after the O level results becuase their results were not as good as their prelims and therefore did not make to cut for the JC they were in. and somehow, as i read this, something wrenched in my heart. i could really feel how sad it was to lose a classmate, an OGmate, a friend. it's like waking up everyday to see a ghost of that person in the place if where he/she used to be in school. (please don't take this statement literally) i couldn't put myself in that situation. i really don't think i can, now.

and then i think to myself, what if that friend who had to leave had become someone's close friend in the short spam of time since the start of the year. i mean, the reality is that to many youths nowadays, friendships mean the world to them. and i really wouldn't go against this statement. well, to lose a classmate might not be so bad. but to lose a close friend to another school is a different story. not that the friendship will be broken, but just that it wouldn't be the same anymore. it very well could be the start of the breakdown, the start of two parallel lives diverging. not a very happy thing indeed.

but i guess all this is just about live life and letting go. life is full of transitions, in school, relationships, preferences and just about everything else. i remember the times when i had to transfer schools in primary 3. it wasn't an easy thing to do. and yes i struggled. then i had to leave primary school in primary 6 as we all went to different secondary schools. it wasn't easy too. and now, i guess we just have to be thankful that we don't need to split up once again before we enter JC. at least there is some comfort to look forward to. in the process of all these transitions and changes, i have had to let go and lose many times. i have lost friendships but gained new ones. i have had to let go of so many of my comfort zones, being thrust into new ones. i've learnt to adapt.

relationships are one of the hardest things to let go of. you cling onto them so dear, and when the strings of security are detached from you, you feel lost and empty. yes, i've felt that before. as we fall away from that comfort of sanity, and as our defense get stripped away, what would be left of us? it's all because transitions have made it that way and no way else. i really hate the feeling of a relationship falling apart, because sometimes it just feels like the world collaspes for a while. whether it's a weak relationship being extinguished or a strong one weakened, the result is the same. we let go, we lose and we move on.

yes. we let go. we lose. we move on.

well i guess this statement pretty much sums it all up. life is about that and we can't change this no matter how hard we try. we just have to accept it and adapt around it i guess. sigh, i think i've explored too mucch in one post, makign everything sound really diffused and confused. but this has got to do for now. there is some truth in it anyway.

and maybe there are many things in my life i have yet to let go off ;