rain.

when you stare out at in, your mind just goes into cycles of loss and thought. it's almost as if it brings you back in time, brings you back to the memories whihc you cherish, or had wanted to forget. either way, all the skeletons seem to be dragged out of the closet. well, that's the rain for you. fortunately, i'm not being emo today (:

haha. the last time i saw such heavy rain was before i left for vietnam. the rain came and left only in the wee hours. it left an impression on what i thought. this rain is different. i'm not really thinking now. i'm not feelings the same feelings. i'm not sad. this time, i just want to observe the rain. and as it rises and falls in its thunderous intensity, well, it speaks for itself.

well, the rain isn't the only thing on my mind now. perhaps more importantly, there's house stuff. moor stuff (: we're having moor house comm. camp/chalet tomorrow and so i shall be on a three day hiatus from here. and from msn and everything else. i think. i hope to be able to really set down what we want from and for the house next year as we give it all one last push for all we've got. it's all i can give already. it's the final year and so we press on. we press on.

we are fiery and formidable.

on another note, i've been thinking about house stuff in general. about the meaning of house, about its purpose and what we can do with it. honestly speaking, nobody really cares THAT much for house stuff anymore. all of it is really lost in the sea of stress and fatigue which all RI students seem to endure. it a chore to attend house stuff now, no longer a joy like what it should have been. aaron said that ms cho said that house stuff was meant for people to try stuff outside their own CCAs. but that has been lost. and to an extent, i can't agree more. the competition has built up to a level where all we care for is a win. not the fun, if there is any. not the process. not the relationships. but the end result.

it's scary to see the path house stuff is going down. who knows if in a couple of years time, this whole series of events might just morph into your average competition where all that matters is a win. everything is getting too secretive now. everything is slowing falling away, it seems. i don't want this to happen. next year must not be a year of fight. yes, fight comes in the process, but what is most important is we redefine the true meaning of what house activities are for. what is the house system really there for.

then we will find the answer ourselves. and we can then be champions in our own right.

well, this leaves me with lots to think about. all in all, i hope all this just works out (: