i don't even know where to start. believe me, i really don't.

i'm going to start with something more normal this time. the calm before the storm? let's hope it not to be yeah. okay, here begins (a) rather long paragraph(s) of narrative of me & my life. let's hope it's not too boring! lots of hope going on today huh.

i finally got my black shoes today! just in time for the sec 1 registration day this friday where all the future Rafflesians would be reporting to the school (: new beginnings for the new year ahead! my old shoes have died a natural death after being used by me ever since my RIPB investiture in early 2006. finally, one more thing off my mind. but i still got to get my casual shoes since my adidas grand prix has broken ages ago ):

last few days have been spent alot on our christmas drama (: haha so much work and effort has gone into i, i pray it all pays off. and i promise you the drama would turn out beautiful when you (whoever is both reading my blog and gonna watch it) watch it (: i'm thankful the expectation and anticipation is rising in me slowly. thank God for planting more of the burden of this generation on me i guess. haha, christmas 2007 :D anybody wants to come to my church this christmas? i welcome you with as many arms as i have (:

(:

is this a smile? does it symbolize happiness? does it mean the person who drew this is happy? does it reflect true emotion?

or is a ): hiding behind this smile? is the (: just a mere pretense for everything that is? is this smile another act of hiding, of the covering up of the truth?

each time a (: is seen over msn or a msg, you don't know how real that smile is. there are some people i know will not give a false smile. but how many can there be? the majority can always throw at you smiles coated with a sadness, smiles masking the frowns, happiness covering all the tiredness. and the thing is, you'll never be sure.

it's never certain how true a smile is. its never certain how true anything is when you only see the word which describes it but not the speaker or the true emotion. more often than not, people tend to hide. to dump their insecurities, their real emotions somewhere in a closet and only reveal the side of them which doesn't seem vulnerable. that's the side they want people to see because it makes them look strong, not feeble. it makes them a hero in the eyes of company, not a weakling. it makes them feel more secure, when actually it's not true. it's makes them all they dream of.

but when all the masks are slowly being peeled off. when the outer coating slowly starts to fade. what's left? what's left is all there was before, minus all the false pretense. why is the world like this?

that's why i don't like the truth in msn. for the very reason that it's so easy to be what you're not. hiding behind the computer screen, putting on pretty masks to hide all the tears and sorrow and then appearing strong. recently, i really don't know how many of these words are what they mean to be. i don't know people's true feelings. i rather pick up the phone, make a call and hear voices. i rather be face to face, see expressions and all pretense is removed.

i thank everyone who has been true even on msn. i really do.
& it's these things which make me trust you all more and more.
even a sad truth is better to hear than a happy lie.