okay. here's part two of the post meant for long long ago. (finally) and i also finally realised that my font size has become bigger! so for everyone who has said it was small, hope you all can see it already okies? yayness.

interruption in post: EXCO meeting tomorrow at 10am. and then moor house EXCO meeting after that to decide on the rest of the stuff! sigh, gonna be another long day once more. but i'm committed. i have to be (:

okies, back to where i was at (:

4+5) what's my direction for the next year? frankly, i have no idea yet. maybe not tatally no idea but its just that all the ideas are not concrete yet at all. i have so many plans to do things well, but no one knows how it will turn out until it is fueled to initiation. next year is going to be a busy year, i know it. it's the school's 185th anniversary and that means alot. i pray to God for the strength to carry me through this next year.

RIPB: human resource is not going to be easy at all. there are so many things which need to be settled, so many things which need to be improved on to make everything so much better. theres this air of expectation floating around already! and i feel it. i feel it decending on my head, pushing me further, making me work harder. i want to contribute. i need to contribute. (actually, we all do) we all need to work together to make next year a success. things are too big to be handled alone. not even shanzhi can handle everything alone. committment guys. it will be okay.

MOORHOUSE: THE HOUSE CHAMPIONSHIP. The elusive prize which slips away from the grasp of 4 out of the 5 house captains each year. I'm placing a great expectation on myself to bring the championship trophy back to moor after a year of absence. I know that it's possible, even with all the people saying we lack both talent and committed members. I choose not to believe it because it is NOT true. I'm so confident that people will rise up and take up the mantle in each area. even though people seem so dead now, maybe its only that one fresh breath of air which they need.

the members of moor house constitute one-fifth of the entire school population! in this 1/5 of the people, i'm sure there are many many waiting falcons in our midst. people with such immense potential, undiscovered. i wish to discover unpolished diamonds in the midst of the house. just like brian discovered my ability to do long jump in sec 1. i want to help fellow moorians break barriers and discover what they hold inside. rise up falcons of moor, the skies are calling!

personally, i'm placing my leadership of moorhouse totally under God's grace and mercy. I know i can't do it on my own strength. so, jesus take my wheel. if moor can be under the hands of papa God, i'm sure it can be different from the other house. set apart! i don't know how many people will agree with this, but i know its the right way to go. for myself at least (: well, i'm just going to do my best. and take down what may come my way next year!

we are, fiery and formidable.

6) its time to talk about people. oh man, i have so many different people to talk about. lets take it slow (:

to the one i thought would be there but then faded away: i thought you would be close. it seemed so right from the start when we worked. i always treasured this friendship. but you seem further now. far off, from what used to be. maybe it's just me. i once thought of you as my closest friend in school (even though i never could tell you everything on my heart, maybe i told you nothing even) but you seem lost now. maybe it's just the stress. relax okay. and get it back (:

to ecne: i'm sorry i felt so detached while i was busy. sorry to all the people who thought i didn't care anymore. i still do. but we all seem so far away, just like i didn't want it to be. we were tight. we still can be. i don't know how to say this anymore. just that, you all have been the one of the best groups in my life. i'm still carrying our tag on my bag you know, wanting the memories back. let's stay together.

to the people who are meant to be the closest (but aren't): i don't have much to say. i don't know what to or how to even if i had a million words. i've been hurt maybe. influenced maybe. broken maybe. i wish everything could be alright. i wish we could be close. it wasn't to be i guess. it really wasn't. i looked to elsewhere for people. i don't know. i really don't anymore.

to the one who i knew cared (but i didn't dare tell much to you): thank you (: now that you're gone, not totally though, i seem further. but i know you still care. you have you own burdens. your own struggles. but i thank you that you touched my life. strive on!

to you, who means so much: it's only been such a short time. i never thought i would be able to get to know someone in such a short time, let alone with trust. but it still happened and i thank God for that. thank you for being there when it really mattered most (: you've been like the friend and maybe even sibling i never really had. you know, even the small things like the prayers and encouragement are so important. because they came when no others did. i'm thankful i really trust you now. i really really do.

to (of) you .

so small, me
inside the giant sphere. which
as if according to the twisted plan,
never ceased its hurts;
painful tribulations, they were
cutting my heart into two.

it never really did help when
i called out, but you all
never seemed to understand. I
kept myself where no one could ever.
find me!
i'm knocking at the door of my own heart.

fifteen minus three, i thought
was perfect for this match.
not more than threehundredandsixtyfive
it ever lasted. i tasted daylight
for once in my life;
only for the shell to clamp again.

fifteen minus zero, plus abit.
the match isn't the same anymore, maybe
the smell of the charred end differs.
it's still an e s c a p e , for me
and the secret life in the shell.
i know i can choose to open up.

i know the heavenly father does care
though i can't live
in a world without the ample humans. I
no longer have a wayward trust
which i placed only in the [empty] air; fully
knowing theres FINALLY someone there.

no long, but it really seems like
a thousand years which have came and, gone
with the wind blowing past these memories.
i'm not inconsolable now
i'm opening up now; to you.
you can do too.

trust!
i know,
i do.
really! really!
like never before in my life.

i know i've found in you, one true friend.
never will i be I again.
thank you.

______________________________

this isn't really meant to be a real poem. haha.

i'm sorry i can't type everything i feel out here. because, you know, i can't pw protect it ): i know you will understand.

but thats all for now.
bye. (i'll post again soon)